Shadow has fallen

I remember in elementary school making the decision to be a happy person.

I had learned that it was a choice.

I remember looking out at the view of the city from my grandmother’s back yard and deciding I was special.

I internalized that I was a child of God. I mattered.

I remember how much I hated the sound of a gaggle of giggling girls.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t squeal high pitched like my sisters.

I remember walking home from school with running internal dialog and “what if” scenarios playing out in my mind.

I wanted to be safe and happy and make everyone around me feel the same way.

I remember watching my beautiful older sister lose herself to the horrors and temptations of the world, partly because of the ridicule of those around her whom she should have felt most safe.

I find that I love easily, deeply, and with my whole heart, leaving nothing back.

I know I’m naive no matter how much I think I understand.

Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes without realization. But I definitely mess up.

I realize that I’m not shining as brightly as I had previously thought. I had become distracted by things that didn’t matter. And in the process I have dulled.

A shadow has crept over me so deftly that I didn’t notice it happen.

Time to step back into the light.

Parenting choices

Let’s be honest. Parenting, especially for your oldest, is like one big science experiment.

Poor guinea pigs.

Fortunately, sometimes you get it right. And when that miraculous moment occurs you must, as a parent, revel in it. Point out to your child(ren). “Do you see how awesome I am?” “Excuse me while I take a selfie.” 

Then you share your ingeniousness with your friends. “Have you recently noticed what an incredible parent I am?”  “Let me tell you how you should do it.” 

And then the pinnacle moment: you blog about it.

(I’m really not a punk. I hope you know I’m joking. Well, not about the blog.)

And so it begins…

Two of our sons are in the scouting program. Cub Camp happens every Summer. Every Spring the scout troop does a fundraiser (free car wash anyone?) to earn money for camp.

Unfortunately this year the fundraiser fell through. Then the backup fundraiser. Then the backup for the back up. It was inching closer, when the money would be due, and it became quite apparent that no fundraiser was going to happen. Most parents decided to either 1: pay for camp themselves, or 2: do their own fundraiser. 

This left us in a tough spot. My husband and I discussed the situation and thought it was important for our children to earn the money for camp instead of just being given a free ride. (side note: our troop is run through our church. Our church actually pays for the camp and we pay them back. Really, if we needed to, the church would have paid for our kids without expectation of reimbursement.)

We had a family meeting and explained the situation to our boys. We told them they had two options. Either they didn’t go to camp this year, or they earned the $85. our 8 1/2 yr old opted out. Our 10 1/2 yr old decided to fund raise.

And so began my 10.5 yr old’s adventure in work. He chose to sell cookies. They bought supplies and calculated expense. I told him he had to pay back the cost of the supplies before he could put any money towards camp. He advertised on FB. I told him he had to have the money earned in full before the first day of camp (now 2 weeks away).

To be fair, this family makes cookies like nobodies business. Nom. Nom.

And he did it. Made his last needed sell the day before camp.

And you know what he said?

“Hard work really pays off!”

OH MY GOODNESS! WE DID IT! 

We taught an extremely valuable lesson and it worked. 

My child found joy in work.

He learned how to calculate expenses.

He learned how to pay off debt.

He learned how to advertise.

He learned how to talk to adults.

And he gets to feel the joy of accomplishment.

How much sweeter the feeling of success when it is the result of hard labor?

Plus, he can now make a pretty mean cookie.

And I hope, as all parents hope, that his brother will be positively effected by this experience and look forward to the same kind of ambition and determination when next Spring rolls around.

Or maybe we’ll just do the carwash.

My amazing kid

Two days before the end of school.

My 3rd grader informs me he is going to sing to his teacher on the last day of school.

It is his present to his teacher.

I don’t know about you, but I think that’s incredibly bold.

I have performed in front of thousands of people. I have sung in a grand variety of venues. But singing for one special person, in front of all your peers?

Now that takes something special.

And he is. He’s brilliant, clever, mind like a whip. Not the best social skills. Gets upset and offended like a firecracker. And loves like no one I know. His heart is tender, his spirit sensitive.

I truly feel that God brought this child into my life with great purpose and I have a solemn responsibility to help him find his path and realize his full potential.

No pressure. 🙂

 

Why earthshine?

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the term “earthshine”.

Physics class Senior year on HS. Wacky professor: long stringy silvery hair, Jeopardy Smart, with a deep seeded love for Space Odyssey and solar panels. All it took was hearing the word and I was intrigued. I stopped paying attention to my adorable friend Abel as the teacher explained this magical word.

“Light is reflected from the Earth to the Moon and back to the Earth as earthshine.” (Thank you wikipedia.)

You know how when you look at the crescent moon sometimes you can see a shadowy outline of the full moon? The bright region is the result of direct sunlight. The shadowy region is the suns light reflected off the Earth. 

Earthshine.

Why did such a name touch me so deeply? Why do I remember it so vividly?

There’s a Primary song I used to sing in church.

“I am like a star shining brightly, shining for the whole world to see.

I can do and say, happy things each day, for I know Heavenly Father loves me.”

There are times in our lives that we shine bright like a star or the moon or even like the sun. We give light spiritually to another, or temporally, emotionally, etc. 

But we can never know, understand, or completely appreciate all the places our light shines. The lives brightened by our choices.

Our own earthshine.